Thoughts, Quips, and Aphorisms—Part 13

Perfectionism, n. An ironic form of imperfection





mind your manners
embody your religion
hearten your spirits





What if life is one long shaggy dog story, and the punchline awaits us in heaven?





“You got the wrong guy. Can’t you see I’m not a robber? I’m a robin!”

“I’ll quack the questions around here,” the ducktective snapped back.





An angle wanted to drive in the carpool lane, so he rotated in place rapidly, so it looked like there were three.

When a cop pulled him over he said “Nice try angle”





“That’s a fire hydrant.”

“Yeah dude, that hydrant is dope.”





I just realized, my blood is type O, and that’s why I make so many typos.

Technically it’s God making the type o’s, so typos are holy, I guess.

It makes sense, since the unholy machines are always trying to get rid of them.





down word spire, y'all





Those who fail history class are condemned to repeat it





Conductors are wizards. Good ones at least. They are directing spirits you can’t see.





If a tree falls in the woods, at least it died surrounded by loved ones.





I’m one step closer to the hedge. It’s nice and green. Recommended.





If you want to take inventory of your life, burn it all down, because you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.






An angry mob of squares hung a circle from a tree, killing him instantly.

When cops asked what they were doing, they replied:

“Just hanging a round”





Jesus isn’t literally real, bro. He’s like an archetypal aspect of our mythohistory, providing an ideological framework of proven principles to guide our meaningless existence. Trust me bro.





A contrarian doesn’t let anyone push them around. They prefer to be pulled around instead.





Too much noise is disruptive to the soul,
but pure silence is maddening.

When we praise silence, we are actually praising the symphony of the wind, the waves, and the little creatures that go unnoticed while we make our ceaseless racket.





          System of a Down